Dearest CUHC,
Welcome back to Cambridge! Welcome back to Hockey! What a day it is to be alive tomorrow with four whole matches, three of which are at wilby! Ample opportunity for the Wandies forward line to sh*t themselves, Caragh to appeal against correct decisions and for Pete to miss more 1 on 1s.
Speaking of Pete, we have welcomed some silly freshers this week and to help them settle in, I present to you: The Official CUHC A-Z. Also known as “Coaching: the email”. I apologise to all in advance!
The Official CUHC A-Z
A is for Aerodynamic - this is the state of some freshers following Michaelmas. See Jude.
B is for Buffalo! - Something that a CUHC oldie might say when they are impressed about a fresher’s antics! Originating from a past player who came from the American city.
C is for Crampons/Cutlery/Crayons - items simply necessary at every social! Not bringing each of these to the correct events will result in heavy fines…
D is for the name of my favourite college, look it up and remember it freshers! You might be tested on it at your first gathering…
E is for (W)Exciting - The adjective used to describe the social prowess of the wblues 🤥
F is for Flinging Chat - An Abby Reeves special
G is for GDBO - this acronym stands for: Good day, brave on! A weird phrase used across Cambridge to greet others.
H is for How’s that? - An offer to try a person’s drink to see if it tastes nice, perhaps if sampling squock for the first time!
I is for IFLTS - this acronym stands for: I Feel Loose This Saturday. An indicator of whether smash is on or not! (Can also be IFLTF (Friday) and IFLTW (Wednesday))
J is for Jude (Hey) - Fairly certain this guy is a member of CUHC but I actually haven’t met him yet! Someone told me he’s actually a pillow salesman, that’s kind of cool!
K is for Kenya - the location of Tour 2022! Was an absolute blast and can’t wait for next year’s tour!
L is for the Lions - the other nickname of the Squandies, our men’s fifth team!
M is for Movember - the best month of the year, a prime opportunity for people to show off their inability to grow a full moustache! Also see: aerodynamic.
N is for Nibble! - A potential result of this email
O is for only if you want to! - Canno et al (2022) (but can also be the other place, boooo)
P is for Prism - the biggest club-night in Cambridge!
Q is for Queens’ backs - The place that the club captains will have you believe is where the bus to varsity is! (It is famously not)
R is for Revs - This is the name of our Women’s third team! Authors of the great song Murder of the Mavericks which you can find on camunihc!
S is for Shark - A friendly 2nd or 3rd year who helps freshers settle in!
T is for TIAFS - This acronym stands for: Theo is a fit Squandie. Describing a man called Flanman, infamous for his subpar hockey ability and great chat!
U is for Umpire - The ref of every hockey match! Here’s my top 5:
Never mind, I couldn’t think of any more good ones!
V is for Vessel - A further necessity, without one it is impossible to even survive. Examples include Hat, Pepper, and A fellow CUHC member.
W is for White Flag - learn it.
X is for (B)Xmas dinner (Better known as: Bridgemas dinner) - A celebration of bridgemas for all of CUHC. A favourite of Ed Sheeran and a prime opportunity to show off your best PMA!
Y is for Yard - A really nice drink that you can buy in hawks, ask for one the next time you are there!
Z is for Zip Car - Transport to be used to and from matches!
Now that you know everything there is about the club (you might want to learn these for welcome drinks), I now present to you our first fixture lineup of the year!
Saturday 14th September.
12:00 - Nomads vs Cam City 5s (H)
2:15 - Mblues vs Letchworth (H)
3:00 - Wandies vs Bedford 2s (A)
3:45 - Wblues vs Sevenoaks (H)
Get down to Wilby and indulge in some seriously liquid hockey (on occasions).
Lots of CUHC love,
Blewis and AG
(Your Club captains for 2024-25)
We will do our best to get back to you as soon as possible.
