Weekend Preview: Rowanlands Inc.

Dearest CUHC, 

Cast your minds away from selection worries, dreams of sliders in lolas and awful weather to the first weekend preview of 2025 - ‘IN… Guest writer weekend previews (pls)’...after claiming to Amy I would in fact write one, I can procrastinate no more - quite literally given it is currently 6.30pm on Friday and Amy has just messaged me ‘how’s the weekend preview looking?’. As such, I have roped in reinforcements and present to you (on behalf of the newly formed travel agency, Rowanlands inc.) a suggestion of tour locations. And whatever you are thinking, the answer is no, this is not just because we haven’t actually settled on a specific destination yet…

1. Leeds - I kid you not when we first started brainstorming this was genuinely Rowlands’ first suggestion

PROS:

-     Otley run - imagine the carnage of this pub golf style…

-     Very much vegan friendly - 2hrs 16mins by train exactly

-     Significantly decreased risk of Kyrill booking the wrong flights

CONS:

-     Its Leeds

-     It’s probably raining

-     Jgreer’s mum can only host 6 of us for roast dinner

2. Libya - for a brief 10 minute window last summer due to a lightning storm we nearly ended up on a Malt(de)tour… so only seemed fair Libya should be considered for 2025

PROS:

-     Quad biking (apparently… according to what to do as a tourist in Libya) - but given the number of bikes/ vois/ trolleys members of this club have successfully fallen off/out of this year, maybe this should

CONS: (had to do some googling for this one)

-     Minor security concerns… high threat of kidnapping - given her track record of disappearing on nights out in foreign lands this is especially high risk for Evie, though maybe this time when she falls asleep on a random doorstep people might be concerned enough to raise the alarm

-     Extreme summer heat - this does not bode well for the squandie’s ginger brigade, nor Theo for that matter

3. Australia - depends which half of tour sec you ask…

PROS:

-     Sharks

CONS:

-     Sharks

4. T(o)urkey

PROS:

-     Rowlands may finally be able to get his hairline fixed (why do you think he agreed

to organise tour in the first place) I think they do a bulk discount aswell (you know who you are)

-     A CBatts special - turns out Turkey is the third largest lemon producing country in the world

-     Fun tour related pun

CONS:

-     Haggling - given that a significant number of the club have struggled to convince the bouncers to let them into clubs (not mentioning names… Jenna L, Libby, CBatts, Carag - I’m sure there are others who have evaded this list that I’ve forgotten) this doesn’t exactly inspire confidence for their performance at the Grand Bazaar

6. China

PROS:

-     Censorship - Barclay and Stubbs will fit right in with their ministry of Canva - no concerns here

-     They actually play hockey - would think this one was fairly self explanatory but based on the responses for potential tour destinations it appears not

CONS:

-     Visa restrictions - it seems unlikely that even without Jano’s suspicious travel credentials, as to my knowledge ‘Mash’ is not yet a recognised country, we would be able to get the necessary documents for entry 

7. Russia- the foreign office is run by geographers anyways why should they tell us where we can travel.

PROS:

-     Alcoholism is the leading cause of death in men under 50. Probably great opposition for a boat race.

-     I reckon playing smash or bounce in red square with one of those little dolls within dolls would be proper good.

CONS:

-     really cold, like wilby on that one Thursday night in late November every year. pitches probably frozen the whole time so no hockey :(

-     Ruled with an iron fist by Vladimir Dovey, harsh censorship of free speech.

-     I think they got rid of maccies when they were blocked from the global financial system (claim)

Thanks Rowanlands inc. travel for fulfilling my wishes of a weekend preview guest writer, I definitely did not have the time for it this week, especially when my laptop crashes everytime I open outlook. (Admin looking good!) 

Anyway, since the above was sent at 22:44 and I am too tired to write much else about this weekend apart from the following:

Thoroughly looking forward to kit swap on Sunday, a highlight of everyone’s year (if you can remember it). 

Also if you want some more clarity (or confusion) of your please go to the wedding video which can be found on the fundmadss or squandstagram.

Tomorrow is shaping up to be a HUGE wilby day with 6 out of 8 games at home. Perfect to get you in the mood for a hockey filled weekend. PS please remember to wash your kit before kit swap, the only thing worse than Nick Power’s kitchen sweaty & full of people is when you can smell yesterdays game as well. 

Saturday, 1st February: 

HOME 

Nomads vs Ipswich 2s 10:30 

WBlues vs Stourpourt 1s 12:30  

MBlues vs UEA 1s - 14:00 

Beds vs Spalding 1s - 15:30 

Blundies vs Bourne Deeping 2s - 15:30 

Wandies vs St Ives 1s - 16:30 

AWAY 

Rovers vs St Neots 2s - 11:30 

Squandies vs Spalding 2s - 14:00 

As always, GDBO,

Amy & Blewis